“In my trial, I remember that there was a bit of salvation for me because the judge knew exactly what my background and belief system were. In fact, she considered me to be a dedicated person in my religion. So she considered me a devout Muslim and not an extremist, which I was being labelled as, not an ISIS supporter. I'm not someone who's grooming and radicalising my young children.”
“You know, our livelihoods are affected and disturbed in society, in the community. Neighbours don’t really talk to me. You get these stares. You get these looks because of the constant presence of police officers. With the number of raids, I've had the neighbours see me handcuffed and taken into police vans. It’s impacted us.”
“My kids, for example, you know, are independent children. They have their own personalities and characteristics, but I feel the smear from Mom and Dad. Our arrest and our criminal records would definitely impact these young children and their ambitions. You know, they have goals in life, you know, they have a different way of thinking, and you know, you can't hide the fear. And that is the ramifications of what would happen to them. You know, they will get flagged up. One of them wants to be an architect. Another one wants to be a journalist and wants to travel around. Of course, the first thing I thought of was a flight risk.”
“One of the things that upset me was the disrespect I encountered from counter-terrorism police during their raids. And they had this habit of going for the Qur'an’s and flicking through the pages, tilting it upside down to see if anything was hidden in the pages.”
“Alhamdulillah, in court I was exonerated. That didn't mean that was the end of my harassment, raids, the rest, and other kinds of difficulties. And they've always tried to come through a different approach. My children were one of the main tools. In every child protection conference, there was a strong presence of the counter-terrorism police, with all the cases. Done and dusted and completed. The children are constantly watched and monitored in their schools by “safeguarding” officers.”
You know, and the children are scared. They, I witnessed me being arrested. I had to leave them with police officers and then come home and not see the children again for months, it’s it's horrific. It's just, how to do, how does, how do I sit here and explain what kind of pain”
“I have a Dawah YouTube channel where I make Islamic videos. I started in 2018. I did it for over a year. I then became inactive on that. That was basically what caused these events to happen. But because I was inactive on them and I'd put it all behind me, I would never have expected this to happen.”
“The police officer at the door said are you the user of this account, she then mentioned my email address, and she said, “We have received anonymous allegations against you. You have extremist views you have previously expressed the desire to join ISIS. You've been involved in radicalising other people online. You have a quantity of terrorist material on your phone, and you have engaged in a campaign of harassment against other users online.”
“When I thought about it more, I realised the way they questioned me was to try and use my channel against me. So it's not a matter of fact that individual allegations have been made against me. It's using the Islamic content that I used to make.”
“I'm the only practising person in my family. My parents have always been against me practising. Because I didn't use to be practising, they liked the old me. At one point, they used to say, I'm an extremist because of how I dress. If they had been here when that situation happened, it would have turned my whole life upside down. They wouldn't understand that I just had a YouTube channel where I'm sharing Islamic content. They wouldn't see it as that. They would be like if you are doing something so innocent, Why are the police here? Obviously, there's more to it.”
“They later told me we could confirm that our investigation had been concluded. They gave us no information on their conclusion. I spoke to one of my friends, who's been in a similar situation, and she told me that when this happened to her, the two police officers came to their house and had a similar kind of scenario. But they came back a few months later and raided her house, even though they had a conversation with her first, just like they did with me.”
"It’s so unpredictable now. I know they said the investigation is closed, but it's always going to linger in the back of my mind. Is it truly closed? Will they resurface, or perhaps discover new evidence, or piece things together differently? All the questions they posed, could they manipulate my answers into something else? I feel vulnerable because I responded openly to many queries. so there’s this constant concern lingering. Will they reinterpret it, or distort it? Will they resurface? its an ever-present thought.”
“What makes it extremely personal for me is that my family has been directly impacted by it. When my father and my brother were arrested due to the anti-terror laws in 2009. Even before then, I would hear of the arrests and the war on terror's impact on Muslims. You hear of Guantanamo; you would never imagine that you would be in that situation. Where you know somebody or a loved one from your own family is arrested due to these anti-terror laws.”
“I thought I would never recover from the impact of the actual raid itself because it took me years. Having 50 officers barge through your door at three o'clock in the morning. It left a significant impact on me, and that's left a mark on me forever. To the extent that if I'd hear somebody pushing the bins outside at night, I would be extremely fearful, thinking, is that another raid that's, without any exaggeration, I felt like that for many years. It’s been over a decade now. It still impacts me to this day.”
“Despite being so directly and so profoundly impacted by the war on terror. It's almost as if we're not allowed to talk about it. Truthfully, I avoid talking about it for that very reason. We're not allowed to voice our concerns. Our thoughts or experiences of that trauma, even though they're valid, real, and raw. They're the truth. We are heavily scrutinised and heavily penalised for it, despite it not being a crime, despite, you know, not saying anything wrong or illegal. And I can only say that when you’re Muslim, It's as if we can be on one side of the spectrum and be silent. Unfortunately, that's how I truthfully feel. The moment we are brave and courageous enough to speak up. It's at considerable risk.”
“We'd never been a part of any court cases in our lives, yet little did we know from that moment, our life here would be all about legal battles, solicitors, and fees. When you hear about these stories, it's like a case, oh, in such a case, this happened for us on the receiving end. It's our life. It's our livelihood. It's our day and night. It's our breathing. We can't escape from it. You have to live with that. In our home, we had people from the press interviewing us in our living room. We had printers on the sofas because of the number of cases we had to battle. They were just there on the couch because you don't know which document to print out and serve or type up. We always had a file on the sofa. Once one case was closed, another would be served, and we had to start fighting another. For over a decade, it's been like that.”
“When my father was arrested, it was like my life had come to a halt. To be honest with you, life has never been the same. It took a very unexpected turn. And I know that happens with many people for many reasons. I've carried on living my life, but my life stopped back then when my father was arrested, it was tough to explain. I guess it's very difficult to comprehend that unless you've lived through that experience yourself, he couldn't understand. You don't see it coming. And it's difficult because of the accusations used against a loved one who you never saw in that particular way. Who is a loving father, a companion, a friend, never as a violent extremist or a terrorist, and then you have to digest it. Not just the shock.”
“When my father was arrested during the first week, he was at the police station. He called us, informing us that we weren't allowed back into our house yet. We lived in a hotel for an entire week. He conveyed to my mom that these people were suggesting, "Plead guilty, and we will release your son." The weight of that stress weighed heavily on my mother. She was already grappling with the trauma of her husband and son being arrested, and now she was displaced from her home. On top of all this, her husband was urging her to plead guilty to secure our son's release. In response, my mother adamantly told them that even if they were to cut off her head, she would not plead guilty.”